*slumps on the sofa, frowning at a string of Christmas lights that he's holding in his hands, a string of lights that just won't light up, no matter what he does*
*takes a bite out of one of the gingerbread cookies that Ava and Deacon left for Santa, along with a sip of the milk*
*goes back to frowning at the lights*
So it's Christmas and it's kind of hard to believe that me and Ryan have been together and living here with the kids for six whole months. I love it and I love him and sometimes I think it's all a dream and I'm going to wake up from it, except that the only thing I wake up to now is Ryan's kisses. And sometimes Ava and Deacon crawling in bed with us when we forget to lock the door. Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn't it?
Even fairy tales have evil stepmothers and witches, though. Because there's still Tove, and yeah, he broke up with Jonny after exactly one week in Morocco, and he came back here and moved in with some guy named Peter that he swears he's not fucking, except that he's not going home for Christmas either because he and Peter went skiing in Vale, and it does not get any gayer than that.
Jude and Michael were over here earlier, speaking of more people that I don't like. I still think Jude wants to fuck Ryan, so one of these days I'm going to drug his stupid prancey British ass and drown him in the bathtub, only I have to wait until Ryan's not looking and he sort of knows what I'm going to do before I do it and just when I think it's safe to kill teeny stupid little British guys, it isn't. His kids and Ava and Deacon love each other, though, so I guess it would be sad if they didn't get to play together any more.
Other than that, life's perfect.
*gets up off the couch and goes over to Ryan, sitting in the floor beside him and leaning all over his arm and being generally annoying while Ryan tries to wrap presents* Baaaaaaaby. Make the lights work?
*is looking over her living room one last time, hugging herself and smiling at the noises coming from the kitchen, where she left Ian, a newly arrived Caleb, and her new yippy puppy*
*jumps slightly when she hears the phone ring, yells that she's got it and bounds over to the coffee table, hurriedly answering the phone*
Keira left me ice cream, cake and a note
. *rubs the back of his neck* And it really got me thinking about everything I've done since... well, since all this started back in France
my brother. I've loved him for most of my fucking life
- in one way or another. But he's got Ryan now, and he's happy
. *takes a deep breath* And I want to be happy, too.
*walks into the trailer's small bedroom and starts packing, happy that Reese isn't around, while he's doing this*
I've decided I need to go somewhere, to get away. This thing with Reese, it's not real
. It's just another fucking attempt on my part to control Hayds' relationship with Ryan. And that shit is going to stop
, and it's going to stop now
*grabs his suitcase, leaving Reese the keys to the house on the counter, along with the title, transferred into her name* Reese gets the house, because she's been putting all the fucking work into it, and I won't need it anymore. Plus, I read through her divorce papers when she was drunk the other day, and Ryan got her
house, so I guess it's only fair that she gets Hayds' house.
*grabs the keys to his Navigator and walks over the Keira's, leaving her the keys to the SUV in an envelope, with a note inside that just says "I'm sorry for driving you crazy, kiddo,"
on the front steps*
*calls the cab company from his cell, climbing into the car, and decides to stop by Jonny's, before heading to the airport, still completely unsure of his destination*
*gives the cab driver directions to Jonny's hotel, then dials Hayden's cell, almost hoping it's going to go to voicemail*
Ian and I went to buy Puppy some things last night.
Okay, I went to buy Puppy some things
, Ian went to buy the bloody store
. Anyhow, Puppy is now the proud owner of a lovely set of food and water bowls and a disgustingly large assortment of toys, which are currently strewn about the house.
But right this second, Puppy is in the kitchen with me, chewing on the bottom of my jeans. And me, I've spent the day trying my hand once more at baking. Only this time, thanks to Betty Crocker and Grandad, I successfully made two cakes!
*covers the second carefully iced cake with plastic wrap and places it inside a bloody huge cooler filled with every flavor of ice cream she could find, carefully replaces the lid and races the puppy over to the table, where she earlier set out her girly pink and glittery stationery set*
Yeah, so after the pet supply store – where I did manage to procure a lovely Pooper Scooper and a fucking awesome
slingshot – I was overtaken by a massive wave of guilt, and so I made Ian stop at the grocery store. And there? I cleaned them out of ice cream. Completely. Only this time it's not for me.
*sits, sighs deeply, picks up her pen and starts to write* ( Tove...Collapse )
*sits on the sofa, staring into the bottom of a glass of vodka, an empty ice cream container on the table beside her*
*pulls up her shirt collar, wiping under her red, swollen eyes*
I received the finalized divorce papers today. By special messenger. *downs the rest of her glass of vodka* I suppose that they wanted-Ryan wanted-to be absolutely sure that I got them. I didn't really think he'd go through with it, but here they are, and I feel so betrayed.
And alone. I am alone. Because me faux boyfriend hasn't been home in days, except to eat and occasionally sleep, and he's been doing the sleeping on the back porch of an unfinished house. And where have I been? Here, watching this ridiculous television, eating ice cream and drinking vodka. I'm going to get fat and I'm going to be alone forever.
*gets up to pour herself another drink* Ryan's says he's keeping the house, just because *puts on whiny, high-pitched voice* he has primary custody of the kids. *rolls her eyes* Whatever. *looks out the window, narrowing her eyes at Tove and Hayden's house* And I'm paying to rebuild a house for an ingrate who can't bother to come home.
*flops back down on the couch, mumbling* Should just take his damned house. Tove's. I should come out with something. I'm Reese fucking Witherspoon. *lies down on the couch, and is snoring away, passed out in a matter of minutes*
*comes home after running errands and a trip to the doctor*
*unlocks the door, walks in and unloads her things*
*goes upstairs, takes a shower then changes into lounge pants and a tank top*
*walks over to her purse and pulls out a picture and runs her finger over it*
Our baby...no...my baby. I still can't believe it.
*smiles at the little pea sized form in the picture*
So much to do in so little time...how am I going to tell Val...and when?
*goes to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and some fruit, sits down and turns on the TV*
*picks up her new copy of What To Expect When You Are Expecting and begins to read when she hears a knock at the door*
Who could that be?
*walks to the door and is shocked by who she sees*
Tove? Hayden? What on earth are you doing here?
*is curled up on the couch watching Finding Nemo with Rudy and Iris, under the disapproving, watchful eye of the nanny, wearing pajama pants and a disgustingly expensive cashmere sweater stolen from Jude, that he doesn't even realize is disgustingly expensive*
I've been making arrangements, I have. *smiles happily, pulling into the valet parking area of the hotel Jonny is staying at* It's taken some legwork, but I've a plan in the works. Aye. And it's a good one this time.
But for now, I've tracked down Jonny, and I think it's about time I pay a visit to my bonny lad.
*tosses his keys to the valet, whistling softly as he gets into the elevator*
*is in her kitchen, the backdoor and all the windows open as she beats the blaring fire alarm into submission with a broom, the kitchen full of smoke from her third
*finally manages to bang the cover off of the fire alarm, silencing it, and turns to survey the smoking cake on the counter*
So much for apologizing for my behavior with baked goods, I guess.
*sighs and tosses it out the backdoor, to join the other two cakes she's ruined, then pauses to look over her hazy kitchen, which is entirely covered by every dish she owns, all of which are now dirty from her efforts to bake one
*looks down at herself to see that her sweater and jeans are covered in cake batter, and reaches up to find that her hair and face are also splattered*
So this morning, I went to see the stupid bloody shrinky person Caleb found for me, just like I promised Ian I would
. And just like he promised me he would
, Ian's gone to get me a puppy! *grins and bounces back over to the counter, determined that the fourth
attempt is going to be successful*
The shrinky bloke seems to think I'm depressed, and that with the proper medication and, of course, his continued services, I'll be well in no time. Self-aggrandizing tosser. Anyway, I've decided that baking is going to be my new thing. I tried denial for a while, but that sort of just ended up with me getting my stomach pumped, and that wasn't very fun. And then I tried more denial, only with the addition of mind-altering substances, but that didn't work out so well either, because, well, I'm sort of in the tabloids now and Ian wasn't at all pleased with me. And let's be honest, Ian's like the only
person left that gives a damn about me (besides Mikey, of course, oh, and CalebandMumandDad), so I'm going to do my best to not be a bother from now on.
*clenches her jaw and narrows her eyes at her fourth
bowl of cake batter*
And I am
going to bake him a bloody cake to make up for being such a needy, whiney, pathetic pain in the ass. *glares down at the bowl* I AM.
*clutches the bowl to her chest, stirring the batter madly, not caring when it slops over the side and onto her bare feet, her tongue sticking out in concentration as she stabs at the lumps in the batter that obstinately refuse
to go away, no matter what
*hums softly as he parks the SUV at the loft, climbing out and walking up to the door, a bunch of sunflowers in his hands*
I stopped by Law's place, and left the kids for a few hours. In return, I promised him that Christensen and I would babysit for him day after tomorrow, so he can take Pitt to some sort of photo shoot and dinner.
I could have taken them to Reese's, but, to tell you the truth, I feel better not having to depend on her when I have the kids. And, after all, there are currently two nannies at Law's - ours and his - plus, the kids get to play with other kids. All in all, it's a wonderful arrangement. *smiles* And I get to spend a few hours alone with Christensen.
*rings the doorbell, not using his key, and waits for Hayden to answer*
So Ryan's gone to take the kids horseback riding, which actually sounds like fun and stuff, but I didn't go because I have to stay home and wait on a call about a press conference for the Decameron. Which isn't called the Decameron any more, but some other stupid name that I don't like so I'm not going to think about it. I think I'm going to have to go back to Italy for a few days, and I really really hope that Ryan will go with me. Italy's really pretty and the kids could go too and stuff, plus there are lots of gorgeous places to do sinful things and lots of cathedrals and churches to go confess about it afterward, which is really kind of perfect.
I'm also avoiding the phone again, because, um, I kind of think Tove is going to kill me, and not like the kind of kill where you're joking and you're just going to get yelled at a lot. Really, really kill me. I mean, he has to be mad and I kind of hate it when he's mad so I think if I stay away from him for six months or a year he'll be calmed down enough to only maybe yell a lot.
*goes upstairs to take a shower, coming out and getting dressed in a pair of jogging pants and going downstairs for a cigarette while he waits for his phone call*
*removes earplugs, gets out of bed, and grumbles himself downstairs for something to drink*
To drastically understate things: Keira has not been herself lately. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the last time I checked, she was sweet and romantic, not hedonistic and debauched.
I don’t have a standing objection to any of her activities per se, but come now, night after night after night
? And so soon after… *trails off and sighs* She insists that the pills were an accident. I’m not exactly inclined to believe her.
*can’t find a drop of alcohol anywhere, as Keira has consumed it all
over the last few days* *huffs and puts the kettle on instead*
Under any other set of circumstances I would simply leave, it’s not as if this isn’t her house and her life, after all. But from what I understand she’s booted Caleb to the curb and Michael has gone back to Mr. Law, and leaving her alone just now… I shudder to think.
*gets up when the kettle whistles and pours himself some tea, settling down at the kitchen table with it* My interference was not exactly welcomed
the last time I tried, and I had to retreat, but I’m beginning to wonder if it isn’t time to have another charge at the fortress gate, as it were.
*pulls his SUV up to Jude Law's house, turning off the engine, but not getting out just yet*
I honestly find it hard to believe that Jude Law would invite me
to dinner, but Jonny said I was invited
, and while I was originally thinking of standing him up, recent occurrences with Reese
, along with something Hayds said
, have made me reconsider.
*rests his head against the steering wheel* Bottom line? I can't believe Hayds is fucking plotting
against me now. He's never done deceptive shit like this before, and I don't really understand what the fuck he's trying to make happen here.
It's kind of like this thing
with fucking Reese. She isn't going to get the fucking midget back, so I don't even know what fucking game we're all playing anymore. And me fucking around with Jonny? Isn't helping matters either. I realize
that. But at least he's open about what he wants from me. Sex
. No small talk, no emotions, just fucking sex. That
I understand. Reese? I fucking don't
*opens the car door, walking slowly to the door, figuring at the very fucking least he can find out why Hayds is jealous of Jude tonight, and maybe scare Leo into telling him what the fuck Hayds and Jonny were up to at the club the other night*
Christensen and I spent the past two days with Law and Pitt. It was good for the kids to have Law's children to play with, and it was good for Christensen and I to get some quality time alone
. Law's pool house is convenient
. *smirks* More convenient than his flower bed
Unfortunately, Reese called
before we left, and I didn't want to discuss the call with Christensen while the kids were present, so I've asked the nanny to stay the night, and I'm taking Christensen out to dinner so we can talk.
*tucks the kids into bed, letting the nanny know that he and Hayden will be gone for a couple of hours, and goes out to the living room, to see if Hayden is ready*
I've been keeping a keen eye on things, I have, since I last saw my wee Michael out and about with Leonardo
. And I've learned quite a fair bit about the goings on hereabouts.
T'would seem that my Jude has given Leonardo the boot, which doesna surprise me even a wee bit. Leo wasna enough to keep him interested before, and there's no reason to think that would change now. He's a right bore, if you ask me, Leo is.
And, t'would seem, that Jude has the wee slut back, though the lad has done fuck all to help me get my prettu back. Hasn't even contacted me, the ungrateful slag. Also, t'would seem that my little one, my Hayden, is calling on Jude quite a lot as of late. Granted, his minder is usually with him, but it still makes for a convenient arrangement for me, what with all three of them in the same house regular.
I've heard from Sadie, as I always do, she called to whinge about Africa, and to let me know she'd be returning to the States shortly. I can always count on Sadie to help me make Jude's life shite, and I'll be giving her a ring once she's returned. Perhaps she can help me lure the little one's minder off somewhere.
Lastly, it appears that Jonny, my bonny lad, has been set loose upon society once more. When last we spoke
, he was still mad in love with me
. Aye. He'll no doubt be chuffed to see me, and perhaps he can be of service.
All in all, it's been quite the productive week. Things are falling into place, without me having to do nary a thing to get them there. And I think it's about time for me to be paying a vist.
Aye, I think it is.
*waits until Jude leaves to take Iris to her horseback riding lesson, Rudy and the nanny going along with him, and crawls out of bed, getting dressed and throwing on his sneakers*
*sneaks back down to the poolhouse, going through the stuff he left there, and sighing when he sees that the waterproof, soap-proof, everything
-proof medical makeup he's been sneaking out to buy
, to cover the scars on his arms, is almost empty*
*runs back into the house, asking the re-hired housekeeper for a ride, not wanting to hitch or take the bus, since he promised Jude he wouldn't go out alone 'cause of Ewan*
*sits in the housekeeper's beat up Taurus, smoking a Marlboro Red and looking out the window, on the way to the medical supply store*
Jude's littlest kids have come to stay, um, Rudy and Iris. And he's really, really great with them and stuff. They're always like playing all over him and making noise and stuff, and he never gets mad or hits them or anything at all.I talked to Jude's friend Jon, um, Jonny, yesterday
, and I completely forgot to tell Jude that he'd called. Um, and I better remember to do it today, 'cause Jon wants to bring Tove to dinner tomorrow.
I don't want Tove to come to dinner. *frowns and throws his cigarette butt out the window, lighting up a new cigarette immediately*
I mean, I know
Jude knows I was a prostitute and stuff, but I don't want Tove reminding him or anything, and there's a lot of other stuff I don't want Jude to know, and if Tove starts saying shit or asking questions... *rubs at the laceration and cigarette scars he knows are on his arms, even if they are
currently hidden by makeup*
Jon says I should just tell
him, tell Jude, but I don't wanna do that. I wanna be normal and stuff. I don't wanna be the fucked up kid from New Jersey, who's been going to shrinks since he was nine, and who OD'ed on Special K by the time he was fifteen.
*sighs* I want a clean slate.
*gets out of the car at the medical supply store, telling the housekeeper he'll be right back and going inside to make his purchase*
*curls up on the sofa in the living room, watching talk shows on Tove's ridiculously large television, and eating ice cream straight from the container with a fork*
Guess who didn't come home last night? That's right. My fake boyfriend, Tove, who ran out of here last night like he'd just heard the local tacky discount store was giving away beer and Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. I was left at home, alone, all night, with nothing better to do than be yelled at by my mother and order everything in the new Victoria's Secret catalog.
*puts down the ice cream carton, hugging a pillow to her chest and glaring at Oprah* Wait until he gets home. Just wait.